My rage is over. I’ve gotten a hold of myself. The final, no-chances-after-this deadline for the Short Sounds Film Festival is on Sunday, and I think I’ll be able to get the updated version of ‘Into Winter‘ done in time.
The past two weeks have arguably been the most difficult ones I’ve had all year – possibly in many years – and as per the usual way, my troubles had to arrive at the moment when they were least welcome. But since I wrote my bitter post on the 7th, I’m glad to say that I’ve been humbled.
It’s true that sometimes, the world places an unfair burden on my shoulders. It takes away my spare time, spends my money, and strains my patience and happiness. But I waste time. I know this better than anyone – I’ve talked about it often enough, about how lazy I am. And no matter how frustrated I feel with the rest of the world when it pesters me, deep down, I know that if I’d been more careful managing my hours before it started to pour, not rain, then my scarcity of time afterwards wouldn’t have impacted me so hard.
So productivity is like an emergency fund. If I spend my time wisely when I have plenty of it, I won’t have to worry about it when I’m short on it.
I used to think of my laziness as a quirky trait: ultimately harmless, especially outside of work and study. But that’s not a way of thinking I can afford anymore. If I put off creating, it means that I might not have enough time to create later, and when that happens, I know I’ll get angry. It turns out that there are only two ways of living life: with self-discipline or without it! You can’t escape needing a work ethic, not even when you’re doing things for pleasure.
Of course, none of this would matter if I didn’t care about music (or stories). But I do care, and that’s the only reason I’m doing this as a hobby in the first place, and that’s why I need to become industrious…