Opus 3

I’m beginning to realise, foolishly late, just how much of creativity is actually work – not playfulness, not an escape or a sanctuary, but unavoidable, grinding work, like chores or a job.

Let me explain where this realisation came from. I’ve been absent from this blog for a long time to focus on my other hobby: writing fiction. I have serious issues with perfectionism when I write, but about a month ago, I thought about all the time that I was wasting waiting for the pressure to write well to go away. I sat down and pushed until the words started coming, and since then, I’ve managed to develop that initial effort into a tentative habit. It’s a huge relief to finally write regularly, but the relief is mingled with disappointment: forcing myself to write – regardless of my mood or level of energy – feels more like a commitment than a passion.

This has made me return to composing. I’m actually not in the mood to compose, but my experiences with writing have taught me that if I put off composing until I want to do it, I will never compose often enough to get better at it, and making music is definitely something that I want to improve at.

It’s an odd feeling to be reluctantly engaging in what I once decided would be a pure hobby. But I’m not bitter. I still think of composing as a hobby, but with more structure. Besides, something tells me that if I weather these initial stages of dullness, I’ll eventually find the middle ground between obligation and enjoyment.

2 thoughts on “Opus 3

  1. Yeah it’s definitely a commitment – especailly because as sad as it is, it’s not like you’re going to be having anything like making money at it at the beginning or something like that to be able to push you forward. But not like you can’t be both committed and passionate about something! And these are all phases us creatives wind up going through too much for my liking in all honesty, so best thing to do is just push through it.

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    • Hi, Crystal. It’s good to hear from you again. I actually thought of you while I was on my composing hiatus. You seem to have no problems producing covers regularly, no matter what your mood, and I admire that. When I make something I take forever to do it, partly out of perfectionism, and partly out of laziness. I need to be like you and create more often.

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