Last Thursday, I went to the third concert of my life: a full-orchestra game-music concert at the Seoul Arts Centre. It got my composer’s blood pumping, and the strange thing is, I didn’t even like most of the music they played.
I went to the concert determined to enjoy the experience, and for the most part, I did. It was a pleasure just to listen to a live orchestra; no headphones can compare. But then I found my mind wandering off in strange directions while I listened, too, making me think things such as ‘This melody is dull and lacks energy’ or ‘I don’t know what that piece was supposed to make me feel.’ And while I’ve always been critical of music I dislike, this time, I started to unconsciously compare the concert music to that of my own. And many times, I came to the conclusion that—despite my embarrassing lack of experience and finesse as a composer—I liked my music better.
That discovery, more than the concert itself, was what fired me up. It’s very important to me that I be able to make things I like. I think a certain amount of success is guaranteed to those who create to please themselves, but it’s more than that—there are few things that feel better than knowing that I can depend on myself as an artist to enrich my life.
Back to composing, then. Life still tries hard to not give me breaks, but I’ll have to scrounge up time somehow. I need to know what I can make out of ‘Into Winter’.